I celebrated my birthday a couple of weeks ago. It was of course, different, considering the social distancing and Stay Home rules. I started the day late- I didn’t get up until 9 am and I spent the morning replying to birthday messages, speaking to friends and relatives as well-wishes poured in. I felt blessed.

Then my brood trouped in singing ‘Happy Birthday to you’. They sounded like an acapella boy-band with hubby doing the ‘hip-hip!’ Their voices have broken- one is in the process- and this made me just hug them. They sound so grown up yet still so vulnerable. Daily I thank God for my family, but there are moments like these that I thank Him- with tears in my eyes.

Next, I had to prep for a talk I was to deliver over Zoom on Turning Crisis into Opportunities. I experienced some self-doubt because I truly believe that every event, occurrence or decision is driven by the state of your mind. So I can’t help but use mindset as the foundation for pretty much anything. While I am confident in that knowledge, I worried that the audience had a different idea of what they would be getting. As a businesswoman, the expectation, I imagine is to talk about real business opportunities. The truth, however, is that if your mind does not have the capacity to recognise an opportunity or turn it into a business, there’s really no point going further.

In the end, I think it went well based on the feedback from a few, I’ll let you judge, have a listen here.

One lesson I learned at the start of this year was to communicate authentically by not trying to create an emotional outcome from the audience. Let people draw their conclusions. This lesson remains in the category of game-changing lessons I have learned. First of all, it allows you to communicate stress-free. Trying to communicate truth while at the same time creating the other person’s reaction is multitasking on steroids. I’m certainly here for living a simple and peaceful life. Next, it isn’t authentic. You either want an honest conversation or no conversation. We don’t get the option of being judge and jury at the same time. Finally, you cannot dictate other people’s views, you are not a control freak.

This means my responsibility is to create or speak or write, and the response to my creation or words is not mine. Last year I had a disagreement with a relative and came away feeling hurt and disappointed at the unsavoury words they said to me. A couple of days later I was still smarting and my emotional state was starting to affect my performance at work and home, so I had to address it. My number one tool for emotional challenges is my journal. After walking backwards to identify which thoughts caused the pain- because it is our thoughts that create emotions, I came to understand that I felt slighted because their words revealed what they thought about me. “Toks, you cannot make other people think a certain way or the other!” This was my self-rebuke. And it worked. Everyone, including me, has a right to their own thoughts.

Yes, it hurt when I discovered what they thought, but I felt better when I admitted to myself that they had every right to do so.

On the subject of game-changing realisations, I find that as I get older, I have less interest in how people see me. 2020 has found an unapologetic, more courageous woman fearlessly doing her thing without concern of what others think.

This too, is liberating.

What have you been up to?