Discomfort. The word itself sparks unease like something isn’t quite right.
I recently engaged in some brainstorming to expose the energy stealers in my life. Visualisation is a rewarding practice, but it is also important to know what we neither want nor need. My list had cluttered spaces as the first item. I uncovered this because being naturally optimistic and energetic, I am prone to making more plans than I can carry out. That notwithstanding, there are times I have a clear intention to carry out a task immediately I arrive home from work- just a twenty-minute task just before I start dinner. Almost every day in the last few weeks, those plans go awry. I step into my house and literally feel the energy seep out of my pores.
A Cluttered Space
I noticed that this happened on the days my kitchen looked more like that of a busy restaurant’s. You see, the boys are home on summer break. Number four has developed a penchant for a homemade strawberry milkshake. He has also learned how to prepare a fry-up. Picture all the plates and utensils needed for all the things. Number two, the health aficionado, is home for the holidays too. This translates to weird food combinations and different types of smoothies. I’ll stop here because I’m sure you get the picture. When I visualise my home in the future, I don’t see clutter. I see a physical representation of serenity and peace. This picture has inspired me to resume decluttering.
Self-criticism, Unhealthy Thoughts and Unforgiveness also made the list of energy stealers, as did Cognitive Dissonance.
There’s a Fight Going On…
Cognitive Dissonance is defined in Psychology as the state of having inconsistent thoughts, beliefs, or attitudes, especially as relating to behavioural decisions and attitude change. My layman’s definition is when your actions and intentions are not aligned. Here’s a simple example which I shared on a short video on social media:
Thought: I will only eat healthy meals.
Intention: I feel like buying a tub of ice-cream and eating it in one sitting.
These two thoughts existing at the same time cause discomfort within us. So now we have two options. We can either change the thought to agree with the intention or change the intention to agree with the thought.
Option one:
I don’t really need to eat healthy all the time, I can start next week. Or, I feel great, I’m not exactly overweight so Ice cream, wouldn’t hurt.
Option two:
I won’t eat the ice cream, it isn’t in line with my diet. Instead, I’ll have a handful of nuts and raisins. As each relatively tasteless nut is tossed in your mouth, you reassure yourself that in the end, it’ll be worth it.
We make the decision to narrow the gap between the two so that they are as closely aligned as possible. Once that gap is closed, the unsettling feeling leaves, but you may not get the results you want depending on the option you went for.
Misaligned thoughts cause a disquiet within us. It is akin to two people riding a tandem bicycle with each attempting to go in the opposite direction.
So how does this affect us?
There have been times I chose to close the gap- without considering my ultimate goal. In such cases, I made a rash decision to ease the conflict, assuring myself that I will make up for it in the future. Case in point, a few months ago, I stopped eating bread but my craving shifted its attention to fries. I was unwilling to experience the yearning for my beloved bread, so I pacified it by serving it chips instead. Although the discomfort as it relates to the decision on what to eat ceased, my choice moved me away from my goal. The energy we require for moving forward will end up being used to invoke peace which is what makes dissonance an energy stealer. Even if you are not consciously seeking peace, you may find yourself
choosing joy over pain– more on that in the previous post.
One way to address the problem
Treat your conflicting thoughts the way you would when you’re about to embark on a long drive- with squabbling kids. Before the journey of decision-making begins, deliver a pep talk. Remind yourself that the goal is not to feel at ease but to fulfil your dream, then go on to make the proper decision.
How does cognitive dissonance affect you? Read more on the subject at
Psychology Today
