I attended a business event a couple of months ago with a friend- also a female business owner. Just as we were about to leave, we got chatting with a new contact and I did something that I wouldn’t have done a year or two ago. My friend asked for our acquaintance’s business card, but I didn’t ask for one too.

I used to hate networking because I felt inadequate amongst those I was convinced were killing it in business. It didn’t help, too, that a friend was masterful at collecting business cards and arranging meetings with desirable contacts- from CEOs of top companies to PAs of the CEOs. You see, I believed everyone else knew what they were doing, and I was the one stumbling along.

Now, because I dig deep into my mind and regularly write what I discover, I found out that my need to request contact details was a sign of insecurity. I didn’t trust that I had treasures inside me, I felt I needed to get close to those who seemed to be succeeding so that I too, could flourish.

I once read a post in a business group where Warren Buffet was the subject. One of the commenters shared with us what he would do if he had an opportunity to have dinner with Mr Buffet, or got stuck in the lift with him. “I will ask for his morning routine, I will ask for his top three tips. I will pay to spend dinner with him so I can pick his brains.” I couldn’t echo any of what this person said, I had no idea what mind-blowing business questions I would ask Warren Buffet if I were stuck in a lift with him.

Growth is being okay with not yearning for the words or company of a guru. I believe we can learn from others, and it’s beneficial to build your network, but here’s more. It’s even better to have the guts to follow through on your ideas. The entirety of your success does not lie in a celebrated man or woman. They have their secrets buried inside them, just like you and I have ours planted inside us.

Growth means digging deep to uncover the treasures that God placed in you, instead of looking for it in the people you admire. The old Toks would have felt she was missing out on a crucial connection because my friend saw something in our new acquaintance that I didn’t recognise. Not all connections are necessary, save the request for the ones that are. I walked away after a pleasant conversation and felt no need to ask for his card.

Personal growth does not always announce itself. It shows up in seemingly insignificant moments like these, but you wouldn’t recognise it if you are not looking.

What business or career tactic did you use in the past that you now see as irrelevant?