How do you handle intense emotions? Episode #7 looks at how our emotions drive action and how we can harness its power for our use.

I learned that you could never understand a person until you can get into their skin, enter into their world and see things from their point of view. You can’t help or give your two cents if you don’t understand the problem- and the problem is whatever they think the problem is. That is their reality.

The question is, what is reality? Reality is whatever a person believes- whether its true or not. If your mind is layered with beliefs that are not true, it will produce false results.

The reason we will do well to live from our core is this: everything you were built to do; you have also been equipped with it. The trouble isn’t an inability or a lack of gifts; the problem is that limiting beliefs have enveloped our gifts and talents, rendering them difficult to access. So we end up living on the surface, instead of from our insides

But when it comes to living from our insides, we are reluctant to do so. The process of digging deep may unearth situations we don’t want to deal with, and this fear keeps us living superficially. 

What’s interesting about fear is its ability to drive us to action. Every action we take is caused by a feeling. This is one of the features that separate us from robots. We act based on an emotion and the more the intense the feeling, the more determined the action.

But what if we can harness our fear, and instead use it for our progress? We cannot get rid of our uncomfortable emotions, so we might as well learn to use it.

I am learning to experience an emotion without letting it drive my actions. And it is weird because the mild feelings are easy to control, but not so easy to recognise. While, the intense emotions are smack in our faces, but can drive our behaviour- unless we get a handle on them.
Let’s take one common intense emotion. Fear. Have you noticed, though, that when we are afraid, we feel the need to do something with it? Not just fear the same goes for joy. Joy makes us laugh, hug, dance, it puts a spring in our steps. 

Many countries are slowly easing out of lockdown but do you remember the panic buying at the start? A psychologist explained the reason people were panic buying. When we encounter something as monumental as a plague sweeping the world, it elicits emotions of fear and uncertainty. Since our feelings compel us to carry out a physical act, we have to do something. 

So when the Prime Minister tells us the solution is to wash our hands 20 times in response to a global pandemic that would go on to kill 400 thousand people and counting, that action, is way too trivial. We feel that the step we are being told to take is not in proportion to the monumental problem we are facing. So a more sizeable, logical response is to buy up all the pasta and flour from Sainsbury’s or Costco. At no time was a shortage of food announced, but people transmuted their fear into a catastrophic future, then acted on what they had imagined.

Here are some ways in which you can handle your emotions.

Use Fear to Propel you forward

When some of my trusted suppliers terminated their contract with me without warning, fear gripped me. I couldn’t imagine my trading without them, but the fear later turned to anger and a determination to have more control over my company. The new direction I took the business in was the best decision I could have made.

Draw boundary lines around it.
The people we love tend to live in our hearts, and they can rearrange the furniture in minutes. 

My husband always says that men are like a chest of drawers with different drawers for different issues, while women or at least me, tend to have one large drawer where everything goes in.

As women, we can be cooking, talking to a friend, thinking about a project at work while wondering if the kids are doing their chores. So I can see how our emotions can spill into other areas and affect unrelated plans.
Reserve a space in your heart regardless of the emotion you are experiencing, a space that fear cannot spill into. Drawing boundary lines stop the fire in one area from spreading into other areas. It also gives you a space to make intelligent, unemotional decisions.

When I began my journey of living from the inside out, when I came to understand that there was a deeper, more trusting part of me that I was to take instructions from, the challenge then became how to bypass my physical impulses and my emotional pulls. Because that’s how we live, that’s how I have lived all my life. When my emotions are leading me, I know it. I am not unaware. But it is easier to go with the flow of anger or pain or joy than the alternative, which is why the practice of not making emotional decisions is necessary.

Here are my three tips for navigating our emotions.
Separate your thoughts.

Our thoughts can seem like a ball of wool with different colours of threads. Develop a habit of separating your ideas so that you can see what you’re dealing with. This then allows you to address each as opposed to being fearful of an unidentifiable monster. I do this through journaling. Episode two explains best my system for unravelling the assumptions from the facts.  I also do so by talking to a particular type of friend, which is my second tip.

Talk To Your Sisters
More than ever, I see the need to curate my circle of friends. We must be intentional about those we have in our circle, and even more importantly, understand the role each one plays in your life. The words we hear while we are experiencing an intense emotion can re-design our path and send us in a new direction. So while you are in a secure, robust, astute state of mind, choose the people you need. Surround yourself also with good reading material. Some of what we read, we won’t remember, but it goes on to shape gems that will inform us in the future. 
Call a friend when you are finding it difficult to sort through your thoughts. Know exactly who to call in different scenarios because we all have varying strengths.

Do something Physical.

Leave the environment if you can and get some air. A walk in the park or anywhere there is nature, especially greenery will help. Blue and green have a calming, relaxing colour on our psyche- which is why they are used in places where you need to be relaxed- for example, doctors offices- think scrubs. Transforming that emotion into a deliberate action will put you in control. 

Since you will be acting anyway, why not make it something productive? When I’m upset worried, I tend to clean. I feel a need to put my surroundings in order. I think it also helps to put my thoughts in order, but for sure, it gives me a sense of control. I won’t feel like I’m spiralling out of control.

I would love to carry on this conversation and hear your thoughts. We can do this on social media- @toksaruoture on Facebook, Instagram and Linkedin. 
The full episode #7 can be heard on my podcast station, Living From the Inside Out. If you are new to podcasting, I have put a How to Listen to Podcasts guide for you.