If there is one topic I am sensitive to, it is dealing with other people’s opinion. Perhaps because I offered myself up as a victim for years. I would ask a view from a friend on something I wanted to do, and their response only sought to confuse or paralyse me.
Lisa Price sold her company, Carol’s Daughter, to a non-minority firm, and she received a backlash from the African-American community. In an interview, she explained; “People were upset because I had rewritten the narrative that they wrote for me“.
I remember the day I realised the story of my life was being written by others. I had shared a business idea with a friend and was very excited about it. It took twenty minutes to explain the details because she kept pushing back and picking holes in it. Then I took my cue from my gut and stopped because I realised she was trying to write my story for me, not out of spite but due to the vantage point she was viewing from.
No one knows like you know what you should be doing. Don’t be surprised if those in your circle do not feel your firm conviction- and just because they don’t see things the way you do does not mean they are ‘haters’. If an idea is precious to you, guard it diligently like- in the words of Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie- ‘a guinea fowl’s egg’. Ideas are fragile in their infancy and should be treated with great care.
Why do we care about their opinion?
Other People’s Opinions becomes harmful when it decides the trajectory of your life. When you do not take your cue from your spirit, but instead trust what others think, it is a problem. We all can make decisions that lead us in the direction we should be going, and that ability is something we should develop. Granted, sometimes we need to seek wise counsel, but when you do so, remain in control of your own actions and do not be steered away from your purpose. The day I decided to stop seeking was the day I literally started soaring. My gifts which I had been holding back from using finally bubbled out and I haven’t looked back since.
How did we get here?
Other people’s opinion can show up in several ways. The most obvious is when you go seeking. We ask because taking on a new venture can be a scary experience. We know about stepping out of our comfort zone, but we don’t want to go alone. So we stall by asking around. Or we ask because we lack confidence in our own ideas. We want to make sure someone shares the burden of our decision with us so they can be jointly responsible should we fail.
Some offer their opinion without you asking. These ones do so either out of habit- you have allowed it in the past- or because they genuinely believe you are making a mistake and it’s their responsibility to steer you in the right direction. If you do not draw boundary lines, folks will walk all over areas you don’t want them to.
How can you start to trust your own judgement?
- Change your mindset: Every internal change begins with your thought. There are thoughts you have harboured that have become mindsets, it is those mindsets that filter your decision-making process. If you are going to change the way you process your dreams, you have to change your mindset. You do this by identifying the offending belief, then comparing it with the truth of God’s word to see if it is authentic. Next, you meditate on the truth until it becomes your new mindset. For example, you may believe that you don’t have what it takes to build on the idea you’ve been carrying. The truth is you were born with everything required to fulfil the dreams you have- including the ability to learn what you don’t know. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.~ Phil 4:13
- Start Small: Start by taking baby steps. Do you have a habit of running to your friend for every little problem? Begin making those small decisions yourself- knowing that if you fall, you can simply get up and try again. Practice taking responsibility for things that go wrong; it will build your confidence to step into the unknown.
- Keep a record: Create a bank of evidence. Think back to the times that you have made your own way because there was no one around to help you. Get into the habit of recording such instances, and before long, you would have a repository of courageous moves you have made. This builds confidence as well, but more importantly, it gives you a reserve of life lessons to draw from. You will have your own pool of wise counsel before long.
Today your story is being written by others, it’s called other people’s opinion. Don’t follow their script. Write yours and follow it with all the boldness you can muster.
Read the article on Lisa Price
