What is your Hidden Motive? Goals versus Intention
Years ago during a deeply reflective moment, I was seeking answers as to why despite my best efforts in working with a mentor, I still didn’t have the result I wanted in my business. I had a particular goal and two years into working with this experienced CEO, I still hadn’t achieved it. Now, I knew that having the most experienced guide does not guarantee success because regardless of the hand-holding, the connections and knowledge, you still have to do the work. I was doing the work yet nothing. At that moment as I questioned myself, I drilled down and discovered the reason. I had never actually expressed the full picture of what I wanted or where I was with him. The reason? The avoidance of pain. It turned out that when I stacked my relative inexperience against his own wealth of experience when I considered my resources against his, I felt inadequate. I was unwilling to go through the pain of smallness and inadequacy that comes with vulnerability. So I chose the joy that came with him lauding my successes which I highlighted. I understood then that many of my decisions, not just this one, were driven by how much pain it caused or how much joy it brought. If it was too painful, I interpreted it to mean going in the wrong direction. If it brought joy, I did more of it. Without meaning to, many of us have a hidden motive of seeking pleasure and we allow that to be the deciding factor when we arrive at crossroads. From then on, I started to ask a simple question every time I was at a juncture; Toks, what’s your intention? We don’t get what we desire, we don’t get what we say, we get what we intend. There are many decisions we make that shape conversations in a particular direction- and we do this subconsciously. Think of the time someone starts to criticise you. You squirm and you may will the conversation to come to an end or you distract them so the topic is dropped. That’s what we do with discomfort until maturity sets in and the desire for growth exceeds the desire for pleasure. So when we ask with the intention of avoiding pain or embracing joy, we may not be asking for the right things. We will stir our action towards whatever we intend and we end up not getting what we actually desire. Listen to Episode 5 of the Living Inside Out Podcast to discover more about The Principle of Intention. Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | Android | Google Podcasts | Stitcher | Spotify | RSS
