You can’t change your circumstances
Your circumstance is an unchangeable situation you find yourself in. Ok, I know we believe that nothing is impossible for us and so on, but let me explain. I reached a game-changing truth; Circumstances are a default, unchangeable state. They do not have the ability to become better or worse. They just are. It’s like building the foundation of a house. The depth of the foundation depends on the type and height of the building. So if a foundation has been laid for a 2 story house, the builder cannot change his mind and build a skyscraper instead. He can fantasise about it and wish the foundation were deeper, but since it has already been laid, that can’t happen. Wishing for a different foundation won’t change the situation. Before I reached this understanding, I indulged in a fair amount of wishful thinking. I would sit and imagine how much easier things would be if the circumstance were ‘better’. If I had a cleaner and a nanny, I’d get more done. If I had investors, I’d grow my business faster. I have heard friends say the same- if only I was married, I’d have the support I need, if I was in excellent health I’d do XYZ. The truth? You cannot build on fantasies. You can only build on circumstances. Like the builder wishing the foundation were deep enough for a skyscraper, all you can do is imagine, which is a waste of your precious time. You build your business with your imagination while standing on your circumstance. Your imagination is a tool that you should use to create a complete picture. You can then work with your hands to make it show up in the physical. You cannot use an imaginary foundation to build the physical house you want. So, how can we use this truth to propel us forward? Recognise when you are dealing with a circumstance. You can either remove your dream from the location and birth it somewhere else, or you can accept things and do your best with it. An abusive relationship is a circumstance because no one has the power to change another. Note that there are situations that may be changeable, but you have to decide if the investment of time and energy is one that you are willing to put in. If you are unwilling to invest, accept the situation and start building. Stop trying to change your circumstance. Recognise that it is fixed, it is the land given to you to build on. I will even go as far as saying there are no good or bad circumstances. The foundation for a two-storey house isn’t bad just because it can’t be used for a skyscraper. Daydreaming is good, but use it for the possible and the desired. I won’t waste my time daydreaming about Sir Richard Branson knocking on my door to give me a check. It is impossible because, for starters, I don’t have a relationship with him. Sometimes we daydream to avoid the emotional toll that comes with planning and risk-taking. Be vigilant; when you start to daydream, get a grip. Daydreaming isn’t the same as problem-solving, it is escapism and won’t move you forward. Stop giving your circumstances power. A circumstance is an inanimate state with no power of its own. By using language such as ‘”if only this were different…” you are telling your mind that the circumstance has the power to loosen its grip on your neck, but has chosen not to. I shudder when I think about how deceptive it is to focus on changing what we can actually build on. Start by changing your mindset. Accept that what you have isn’t just good, but is the perfect set of circumstances for you to build on. I know there are real reasons why things don’t work out. There are situations that are not ideal for us to fulfil our mission, but is it possible that if we focus on what we have instead of what we lack that we will actually get more done? Thoughts, please!!! PS: I can’t wait to tell you about a different spin on Letting go, that’s the lesson I’m currently learning.
