Look into your Life. What do you see?
Have you finally settled into our new normal? I admit it took me a minute. Yesterday found me packaging orders to be sent out and how I longed for our packaging area in the shop, where sellotape and stickers and tissues live. Thankful But, this isn’t a complaint by any means. I am thankful for life and good health. I am loving the increased family time, which has also found me uncovering harmful mindsets I didn’t know I had. Look into your life I had the unexpected privilege of looking at my life from the outside while playing back a recording I made during the day. Beyond hearing the speech I recorded, I listened to the background track to my life. So I have been on a public-speaking and coaching course to launch me into a second career, and part of the work involves recording and listening back to my talk. My oldest son walked in halfway and began peering intently at me. I asked what the matter was. “I thought you were crying mama,’ he replied. After reassuring him that I wasn’t crying, (I had a parched throat), I carried on with my recording. Still, I didn’t finish because it sounded robotic and not as natural as I usually do on stage. Bedtime found me listening to the playback, and I heard my kids mulling in and out of the room, feet shuffling, stifled laughter and a question from a concerned son, are you crying mama? The playback sounded different from the real-time. The speech was much better than I thought, and the question from my son showed up as a concern in the replay, but a needless intrusion in real-time. What is the soundtrack to your life? The sounds of my kids in the background sounded like life and happiness and joy, the exact experience I would have picked for myself, had I had the option to choose. My life looked different when I looked in than when I looked out which is our default way of doing life. Have you ever tried looking through a two-way mirror? On the outside looking in, you see nothing but your reflection. But when you look outside from the inside, you don’t see your reflection. You see the full picture of what’s going on. The picture looking out is different from the one looking in. You have everything you need That’s life. The ordinary, boring life you think you are living is probably the life that you would have picked, had you been given a choice. Granted, it isn’t perfect- nothing is, but I genuinely believe we have everything we need to live the life we want. Even though I loved what I saw looking inwards, there is so much I’d like to change. Still, I also recognise that I have the ability and resources to change them, and the grace to accept what I cannot change. Are you willing to accept what you can’t change? The question then becomes, are you willing to make changes? Can you accept what you cannot change? When the imposed rest came into place, I decided I was going to live my life as usual. The whole world might be fretting and making new plans, but for me, it would be business as usual. On hindsight I can spot a bit of cockiness in my resolve. The truth is, I wasn’t willing to change and I struggled to keep my pace when the world slowed down. When you look out into the world, your lenses are filtered by thoughts and mindsets, both good and bad. This alters what you see. The inward view, on the other hand, is less judgemental and therefore more revealing. Are you still comparing yourself to her? We compare ourselves unfavourably to someone who seems to live the life we want. From the mums who seem so together to the competitor with thousands of followers. We compare because we are looking from the outside in, and we have no thoughts about the person. Also, most people live outwardly, which means they draw conclusions based on what they see or feel. Inside out living draws conclusions based on truth received by your spirit, which is one with God. Look into your life. Again I invite you to step back and look at your life from the outside, as though you are a visitor looking in. Search for the components you thought were absent. Consider the areas you vowed you wouldn’t change. Everything you need is inside you.
Growth: I don’t want your business card
I attended a business event a couple of months ago with a friend- also a female business owner. Just as we were about to leave, we got chatting with a new contact and I did something that I wouldn’t have done a year or two ago. My friend asked for our acquaintance’s business card, but I didn’t ask for one too. I used to hate networking because I felt inadequate amongst those I was convinced were killing it in business. It didn’t help, too, that a friend was masterful at collecting business cards and arranging meetings with desirable contacts- from CEOs of top companies to PAs of the CEOs. You see, I believed everyone else knew what they were doing, and I was the one stumbling along. Now, because I dig deep into my mind and regularly write what I discover, I found out that my need to request contact details was a sign of insecurity. I didn’t trust that I had treasures inside me, I felt I needed to get close to those who seemed to be succeeding so that I too, could flourish. I once read a post in a business group where Warren Buffet was the subject. One of the commenters shared with us what he would do if he had an opportunity to have dinner with Mr Buffet, or got stuck in the lift with him. “I will ask for his morning routine, I will ask for his top three tips. I will pay to spend dinner with him so I can pick his brains.” I couldn’t echo any of what this person said, I had no idea what mind-blowing business questions I would ask Warren Buffet if I were stuck in a lift with him. Growth is being okay with not yearning for the words or company of a guru. I believe we can learn from others, and it’s beneficial to build your network, but here’s more. It’s even better to have the guts to follow through on your ideas. The entirety of your success does not lie in a celebrated man or woman. They have their secrets buried inside them, just like you and I have ours planted inside us. Growth means digging deep to uncover the treasures that God placed in you, instead of looking for it in the people you admire. The old Toks would have felt she was missing out on a crucial connection because my friend saw something in our new acquaintance that I didn’t recognise. Not all connections are necessary, save the request for the ones that are. I walked away after a pleasant conversation and felt no need to ask for his card. Personal growth does not always announce itself. It shows up in seemingly insignificant moments like these, but you wouldn’t recognise it if you are not looking. What business or career tactic did you use in the past that you now see as irrelevant?
Embrace your uniqueness by living inside out
In conversation with one of my boys last week, I felt a new need to urge him to stand firm in his uniqueness. Every child is one of a kind; I am mum to four amazing boys, all with strong personalities, yet with this particular son #3, I can’t say I’ve met anyone quite as extraordinary as him. He has a prodigious mind, one you’d be pleased to meet. Yet, I see him trying to stand in his one-of-a-kindness, while his peers try to erase the lines that outline him, the ones that make him stand out from the rest. My new mantra to him is; embrace your uniqueness. Live Authentically Inside you dwells the most authentic version of you, the one God created to be. That person is layered with the vicissitudes of life- the joys, disappointments, memories, hopes and dreams. The layers stop your authentic self from expressing themself, and so we end up presenting the version we want others to see. The practice of authentic living removes the layers so that eventually you communicate as you; your gift, which lies buried will begin to express itself outwardly. Do you know what happens when you use your talent in the way the Creator designed it? You fulfil your earthly purpose- which glorifies God and benefits people. Use Your Gifts Your gift is a light that shines so that those searching for direction in the dark might find you. Imagine what happens if you are dressed like someone else? This camouflaging is a risk we face every time we admire someone to the point where we want to be like them. The people you look up to can affect your thought processes. Learn to respect people without wanting to be like them. Desire, instead, to be like you. Learn to respect people without wanting to be like them. Desire, instead, to be like you. TA Companies spend hundreds of millions of dollars each year on advertising to make them distinctive. My job is to reinforce to my sons, myself, and now, to you that our extraordinariness is priceless, and we must not trade it for popularity. Embrace Your Uniqueness Understand the Sacrifice Operating in your unique space means that your clients will find you easily since you won’t get lost in the noise. One of the most liberating business truths I embrace is knowing that you have a group of clients or a tribe reserved for you, but they will only show up when they hear the sound of your voice, or recognise you in the crowd. As a storyteller, I am passionate about using my life and business lessons to help others embrace their unique gifts. I believe that by using what lies inside us, we can become exceptional people in life and business. If you have been blessed by my words, please share the page with a friend. If you’d like to be notified about new posts, why not subscribe to the newsletter? Have a blessed week!
Doing it Afraid: How to press on in faith when fear stares you down
Fear hates movement. Its goal is to keep you rooted to the spot until the danger passes. God said to Moses, what are you all doing crying out to me for? Get moving! Fear would rather pray than take action. Fear wants God to deliver you. Fear tells you that praying is the answer. Fear wants the danger to end. Fear doesn’t want to take any action. Fear passes the responsibility of the rescue to God. What are you afraid of? “I’m afraid there is danger waiting for me. That on the other side of my action is a deep gully that I’ll fall into. I’d rather stay in purgatory, the space of maybe or perhaps. I’d rather sit there than meet the certainty of the thing I fear” Use Faith to your advantage What is faith to you? Faith is taking a step when you can’t see any piece of ground to step on. Faith trusts that God won’t let you fall. Faith knows that God is with you and He will send His angels to carry you should you miss a step. Faith is a verb, a doing word. Faith is taking action on what you know to be true, not what you see to be true. What can you see? Not with your physical eyes, what can you see with your imagination? Your imagination is the bridge that connects the spiritual realm to the physical. What can you see? Don’t be moved by what you can see, be moved by what you can see-see. Faith is doing it afraid. You might like this post on Going through the Storm. since we can’t stop the waves, we might as well learn how to sail. I also recommend Never Look Down, inspired by Will Smith- yes, the actor. It shows us the role our eyes play when it comes to walking by faith. Get unstuck: 1. Keep your vision in front of you so you don’t think the current state of affairs is also your future state of being. 2. Have a plan. An actual workable plan with dates. Make this plan not while you are afraid but in the moment you are confident and assured. This is the real plan. A counterfeit will show up when you’re under pressure. 3. Take a step everyday. My one step is to complete my morning routine even when I don’t feel like it. If I can do a simple step like get up and make my bed, have my devotional and exercise, then I have the confidence that I can command the rest of my day. Has fear held you back? What strategies do you use for overcoming your fears? Comment in the box below, I’d love to hear from you!
Acid Test: Analyse your thoughts and change the direction of your life
A couple of weeks ago I was having a discussion with someone, and I could feel a sense of irritation welling up within me. There was no need for the irritation- how did I know? Because I have a habit of zooming out to watch myself without emotion- I believe that’s the only way you can truly see what you’re up to.
Be Unapologetic: A short guide to living from your inside out
My buzz word this season is ‘Unapologetic.’ Being a recovered people-pleaser, the last few years have been about peeling back the layers of other people’s expectation of me and discarding them. The process of removing wrong beliefs and expectations has been a long and occasionally painful one, you don’t get to peel off old stuff without stripping off some skin. The Problem When Barbra Streisand came on to the big screen, she was considered too Jewish, too ugly and too loud. Many who had been defined by the expectations of others adjusted their personality to suit the requirements of the powers that be. Barbra was expected to follow suit by reducing her voice, altering her appearance and neutralising her Jewishness so she could fit into the box they had built for the likes of her. Ms Streisand wasn’t here for that. She was unapologetic as she presented her talent, her ethnicity and her entire existence loudly and without holding back. And she won. The Restriction to being unapologetic And that’s another buzz word, ‘boxes.’ This past weekend I came to understand that there are boxes built for each of us. The cases are stacked in a hierarchy, one on top the other, and the system in place allows you to rise- but only within your space. You cannot grow out of your box and into the one above you. This means that whether you like it or not, the limit to how far you can rise has been set. The Key to becoming unapologetic The solution is not to keep trying to expand within your space. The key is to get out of the box, so that the sky, not the lid, becomes your limit. You do so by breaking through the walls. The walls are formed from conversations that have been predetermined, your own fixed mindsets and other people’s expectation of you. You break out by taking your cue from your inside, your spirit, which is one with God. You rise by living unapologetically. Your Commitment to living unapologetically You cannot be unapologetic in your living if your self-worth comes from the approval or celebration of others. Approval addiction is equivalent to drawing fuel from their praises, instead of the seed of your purpose buried inside you. There are conversations you know you shouldn’t be a part of. Trust your intuition and remove yourself from circles of friends who prefer the safety of the box. Do you need to work on your mind? You bet. We all do. Regularly inspect the source of all thoughts and the cause of your beliefs. Unbelieve the lies, then believe the truth instead. My truth is the word of God, not a man of God or a prophet or a motivational guru. There are many enemies that keep us from living unapologetically, but you have to identify which ones have been assigned to you. They show up in your mind and in your surroundings. They have no real power, only that which you give them. This is not a ‘start 2020 right‘ post. This is a ‘live your life so you can be who you were created to be‘, post. Connect with me! I am committed to sharing my life’s lessons. I do so through my blog, social media and speaking engagements. Let’s connect on Instagram, Facebook and Linkedin– I also put out the occasional tweet. Sometimes, I share with subscribers to my newsletter, stuff I don’t want to share on the blog. Subscribe if you’d like to receive that too. Have an amazing week ahead!
