Going through the storm
I am going through a stormy season at the moment and here’s how I’m holding up: 1) Gratitude for what I have. From my health to my children to salvation and the ability to dream and have a vision, I’m staying in a space of constant gratitude. 2) Reading out God’s promises and listening to worship music. This slathers my soul, my mind with nothing but the truth. All turmoil is experienced in the mind so if I can just get my mind to experience hope, peace and joy, I will be fine because God is faithful. 3) In ‘times of plenty’ when all is right and my faith is shooting through the roof, I write a note to self. A reminder of what I’m certain of at that time. A truth that no one can dispute which is that God is on my side and everything will be just fine. A reminder that I have all I need to accomplish what I dream of. It’s an optimistic letter written by a confident, optimistic version of myself. I write these notes because I know further down the road lies a season like this one where I will not be so optimistic and I’ll be filled with fear. These practices keep me tethered until the storm is over. How do you go through storms?
Think about these things: Dealing with negative thoughts
I have spent the last few weeks putting this to practice and can I just say, it’s a game changer? Historically I fought the negative thoughts. I overlaid them with affirmations. I ignored or tried to silence them, but nothing works like simply thinking good thoughts. Why is it important to think about these things? Besides the obvious need for peace of mind, here’s why. When your thoughts are negative, your actions, plans, and intentions will be directed towards addressing the negative thoughts. We have heard that 90% of what we fear does not happen. This means we spend our time working on something that will never materialise. That’s not simply a waste of time, it is a waste of our destiny. Its worse than getting a parking ticket daily. Its the adult equivalent of dropping your ice cream cone when you know you won’t get a replacement. Granted I know one or two adults who’d throw a tantrum at dropping their ice-cream but that’s beside the point. It is difficult to think positively when you have a pressing concern staring you in the face. Difficult but not impossible. In a previous post, I shared about using your emotions as a tool to press on. I arrived at this juncture because my back was up against the wall and I had no choice but to trust God. I’d played my last card. I recalled the goodness of God, remembered that He had been faithful in the past and I chose to place all my bets with Him. Try it. Think only positive thoughts on day one. Each time a negative thought comes- even when it’s true, throw it out and replace it with its opposite. This does not mean we shirk our responsibilities and ignore the important, instead, we deal with it while thinking about anything that is true, noble, right, excellent praiseworthy, lovely, admirable. My goals and dreams fall into this category. Expecting success and not failure also falls into this area. Thinking the best of people, not the worst can be added to it too. The following day, repeat. Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable–if anything is excellent or praiseworthy–think about such things. Philippians 4:8 The Message version puts it this way: —the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse.
Use your emotions as a tool
I have a new tool. It’s a question, ‘what are my feelings telling me?’ Often in the middle of a jam-packed day, I just say one word; “feelings”. It’s like the word a trainer tells his rottweiler to make him calm down when he starts to growl. I am a dedicated student of my own mind. I am fascinated by its power to create scenarios that I go on to act, often without my input into the storyline. These days I am exploring how my emotions and feelings lead me astray. Our actions are usually preceded by a feeling, which is sparked off by a thought. So, I turned down an offer that could have been lucrative for me. I weighed the investment of my time and other resources, followed my intuition and made the decision not to go for it. The next morning I found myself checking to see who took my place and as I neared the information, I felt discomfort rising up from my belly. It was the feeling of disappointment that was about to come when I saw their name and not mine up there. And disappointed, I did feel. Then I said it, feelings. Because it’s just a feeling. Feeling isn’t necessarily fact. Feelings are not to be relied upon as decision-making partners when it comes to moving forward in life. But feelings are so strong. They can ruin your entire day if you don’t hold the reins. They can cause you to change direction over something important, that you were so certain about only minutes before. Like a soft dye, once released, they start to colour everything you see from that moment on and cause you to approach things differently. The longer you have the feeling, the more the dye is released and the more distorted your view becomes. This morning as I said my code word the disappointment subsided, the dye dissipated and I was happily back on track in the direction I was supposed to be heading in. “What are you thinking about?” Perhaps a better question would be; “what was the thought that led you to that feeling?” If you haven’t yet done so, subscribe to receive blog updates from toksaruoture.com. Do the work, let the feelings take care of themselves and have a fantastic day!
What you focus on
What you focus on is what you will believe, and what you believe is what you will act on. I recieved a business opportunity that was a dream come true. This should have been a time to marvel and rejoice at what could only be described as a miracle, I had even accepted that it will not happen and yet here it was being offered to me on a platter. I deliberted back and forth before finally accepting the offer when it didn’t even require a second thought. Here’s what I discovered was going on in my mind. I was focusing on the negative. Instead of looking out for God’s blessings, I had become accustomed to looking out for traps. So when the offer was given to me, my instinct was to dig holes in it. This mindset has no doubt robbed me of opportunities past. Faith in God means that you expect the best and not the worst. One of my affirmations is “I raise my expectations to meet Gods promises for me.” I use it to counteract my default mindset of pulling down my expectations to meet my current reality. I obviously need to put my declaration to practice. Thankfully I took the opportunity and I’m glad I did. What are you expecting? Failure or success? If failure, all your energy will be spent searching for landmines and you will not recognise God’s blessings for what it is. If success, even that which looks like a trap will be interpreted as an opportunity. I didn’t have a negative mindset, I simply focused on the wrong thing. Just because something is a possibility does not mean you can choose that to become your point of focus. What you focus on grows until it engulfs your mind and becomes your reality. When you focus on the negative, even opportunities look like threats. I hope this has blessed you! Please add your two cents (or more) below.
Impostor Syndrome: Have you got it?
It was a surreal experience when the UPS man came into the shop. “I remember you,” He exclaimed. “I used to collect parcels from you at Widmore road.” This was 7 or 8 years ago when my office was a small desk in the corner of my room and here he was now collecting parcels from my boutique in central London. I share this not to brag but to publicly acknowledge how far God has brought me. In the last few weeks, my lesson has been on The Impostor Syndrome. This is the one where you refuse to accept your own accomplishments and you play down any compliments. I have struggled to accept that I’ve done well so far. Last week, I recognised that my marketing and growth efforts have been hindered by this syndrome. Think about it; if you don’t think you’re worthy, why would you expect your target audience to patronize you? And if you are not expecting them, you won’t prepare for them or even recognise them when they show up. The term comes from feeling like a fraud because you refuse to accept that you are responsible for the work you’ve done. Impostor Syndrome will stop you from forming relationships with people who can help you get to your next level- because you don’t think you’re worthy. It will prevent you from making big moves because you don’t think you deserve the accolades that will come with the success. If you find yourself shying away from recognition, playing down your successes or even dumbing yourself down so you can fit into a space you’ve outgrown, chances are that you have the syndrome. The impostor syndrome will have you constantly searching for validation, often masqueraded as inspiration because you don’t think your ideas are good enough. The first step in getting cured is recognising it and acknowledging it. My name is Toks and I have impostor syndrome. Yes, 12 step style. Next write out your dreams, past and present so you can face up to what you’ve been avoiding. Finally, consider getting an accountability partner. Speak out your dreams to a trusted person to own them, then go and conquer. Side note; don’t choose someone who is also suffering from the same ailment. How does this show up in your life? Look out for the signs which may be unique to you and give it all you’ve got. Why do I share so much about my experiences? Because our purpose is connected to helping others. If my words end up helping you move up a notch in your journey, I would have achieved my purpose. Have a blessed week!
Never Look Down
This summer, I took two of the boys zip-lining over London. We climbed what seemed like hundreds of steps until we were 35 meters above the ground. But it was cool. We could barely see the ground from where we stood because the stairwell was covered until it was time to get hooked on to the zip line. Through it all our excitement grew at what we expected would be a thrill of a ride. “Climb down these three steps and stop” That was my instructor. Guys, the three steps resembled the stairway to heaven. It ended mid-air with no barrier or railing, and you were surrounded by nothing, not even trees or buildings- those were beneath you. But I made the mistake of looking down. In that instance, my heart exited my chest, my palms became sweaty and I was certain they’d slip right off the tiny handlebars that carried my weight. Now, I am mostly fearless, I love risks and I am very competitive. So I wasn’t prepared for this part of the deal where I’d see my life tumble thousands of meters to the ground while my shell remained hooked to a wire. The truth is, I wasn’t in any real danger. I was secured to the wire before I even climbed on to those devilish looking steps. I just shouldn’t have looked down. This week I am drawing strong parallels with faith. I am living through an experience where I had looked and panicked at what I saw. But the truth is I am anchored to Christ and I’m not in any real danger. Just as I was super confident and even cocky leading up to our wild experience, in the same way, I am usually super confident when I quote scriptures or share God’s word. Until I look down. Looking down for you might be looking into your bank account. It might be reading the Dr’s report or reading an email from work that marks the end of your tenure. I know this is easily said than done, but please know that you are anchored. You will not fall to the ground. Your life flashing before you as it makes its descent into nothingness isn’t really going to happen. The physical evidence might be there- I was sweating and felt my hands sliding off those tiny handlebars. But even if my hands slid off, my entire body was fastened to the zip and I was actually safe and secure. Tonight I read a post that said we must soak ourselves in God’s word and commit it to heart. That’s our hook. That’s the part that gets hooked on to the wire. It’s our permanent connection with Christ. Did you see the video of Will Smith’s bungee jump out of a helicopter across the Grand Canyon? I totally got it when he looked down then turned back to the camera with the words “Never look down. Never look down. That was terrible”
