How to go through fire (without giving up)
I hope you’ve had a fantastic weekend, last week came with more than its fair share of challenges and as trials go, I developed some new thoughts to help me through, here are some of them. 🙂 1) Cultivate a growth mindset. A growth mindset believes that where they are and what they see isn’t the end, that there is more beyond. There is joy after this season. A fixed mindset on the other hand believes that they are pulling from a large pool of wisdom or/and creativity. The trouble is that that pool will eventually run out. This showed up for me when I tried unsuccessfully to come up with a robust collaborative idea with a particular company. I couldn’t go beyond the basics and believed there was no scope for anything better- until I brainstormed with a friend. Once we had that session, the ideas literally started pouring in. I thought I had reached a wall, when in actual fact there was more beyond the wall. With this mindset, solutions develop in proportion or even greater than the challenges as they show up. 2) Believe that these trials are permitted by God but it is only for a season. Don’t allow it to define you. Remember who you are. People may want to give you a new name – that’s the woman who had many abortions, look at the man who couldn’t stay faithful to his wife or here’s the person who has been unable to hold down a job. Don’t take on the identity being given to you. Cut off anyone who wants to change your name. Know who you are in Christ. 3) Have realistic expectations If trials are comparable to fire, we best believe it will be excruciatingly painful. If things are getting worse and not better, understand that this is the nature of fire. First it burns the skin, then the muscles and nerves. The longer it burns, the closer it gets to the core of who you are. Values and relationships will be tested. Your spirit’s yearning for God will be tested. But you must come through. Understand that your life- mindset, relationships, lifestyle are being purified through this process. 4) Understand that your faith is on trial Faith is taking action on what you believe. Will you stop taking action because it’s too hot? Often we want to curl up in a corner and wait for the fire to be quenched following our intense cries and prayers. We must keep doing what we believed in before the fire started. Faith without works is dead. You cannot exercise faith by sitting still, you have to take the corresponding action on what you believe. 5) It is not in vain I have lost the number of times that I have cried out to God, what’s the point of this Lord? We live in a fallen world and God does not send evil on anyone. The enemy is the one who wrecks havoc. Our mortality often makes us see things only from the perspective of life on earth for the duration of our time here. The truth is our life in earth on earth is only a bleep in the endless thread of eternity. The scripture says lay up for yourself treasures in heaven. When your faith remains strong through many trials, it will bring you much praise and glory and honour on the day when Christ is revealed to the whole world. Inspired by 1 Peter 1:7 GNT Their purpose is to prove that your faith is genuine. Even gold, which can be destroyed, is tested by fire; and so your faith, which is much more precious than gold, must also be tested, so that it may endure. Then you will receive praise and glory and honor on the Day when Jesus Christ is revealed. 1 Peter 1:7 GN How have you dealt with fiery trials? Please drop a comment below. I hope this has blessed you, have a fantastic week ahead!
Forging along in spite of hardship
I am working on a project. It is unfolding in an interesting way because I am living out the learned lessons in real time. Guys, it is all fun and games when you learn something new that also inspires you, but when it comes to putting that lesson to practice, it’s a whole ‘nother (painful) level. The current lesson is on Purpose. Again. I have been down this road several times but each time feels like the first. The concept remains unchanged but the depth of knowledge keeps increasing. Mark Twain said the two most important days in a man’s life are the day he was born and the day he finds out why. I have a third; the day you stop caring about what people think. It is only then you will have the boldness to pursue the purpose you discovered on day two, the purpose that was placed inside you before day one. The scripture in Jeremiah says “Before you were formed in your mother’s womb, I knew you and before you were born, I set you apart.” (Jeremiah 1:5) Then God goes on to tell Jeremiah what he created him for. Your purpose existed before you were even formed in your mother’s womb. This means that first, a purpose existed, then you were formed to fit around it. Think of your purpose as a uniquely shaped seed that needed its own case molded around its shape. You are that container. You carry your purpose. But whose purpose is it, really? Yours or God’s? Well, God had a purpose- a grand one- and you have your part to play. Your purpose is an offshoot of God’s big purpose for the world. You matter. If you don’t fulfill it there will be a dent in the shape of the world. So yesterday while driving home from work I was thinking about my current challenge. This one has me stumped, but I am thankful for my tribe of supportive brothers and sisters who are standing with me as I travel on this rocky portion of my path. Here is how I have been dealing with it. It is God’s will, not mine. When your desires are aligned with God’s will for you, you can believe that your will is really God’s will expressed by our soul. This knowledge helps us to accept the good and the bad. It stops us from being myopic and small minded as it relates to the challenges we are facing. Knowing that everything on our path is ordained by God gives us the freedom to embrace it. It doesn’t make the journey easier, but it does remove one or two layers of the stuff that makes the fire seem pointless. If it is God’s will, there is nothing the devil can do to successfully topple it. Last week I shared about quitting. There are times it makes logical sense to quit. Just because it makes sense does not mean we should. We are a peculiar people, a people that press on when the world says stop. God has placed you in a place geographically and otherwise where it is conducive for you to thrive. Again thriving doesn’t translate to pleasant, it means to grow well or flourish. We can all testify I’m sure, that the seasons of immense growth happen in the time of our greatest challenges. If you have been given a purpose, it is your responsibility to fulfill it regardless of health, finances, state of mind etc. If help is needed, get help. If wisdom is lacking ask. If you need strength, ask for support or bring your body into its optimal state through lifestyle changes. This part is hard because our focus tends to be the need and not the fulfilling of purpose. We are limited by time. We are not here forever. We are all standing in line as we face the exit door of this side of life. This means that between today and the time you arrive at the door, you should have completed the reason you came to earth in the first place. Every second wasted is a second less to spend on fulfilling your calling. Time is of the essence. We were not created to simply experience life and then die. No! We are too wonderfully created for that. Our lives have a meaning beyond the physical. Our lives are awesome; divinely inspired and painstakingly crafted by a supreme being. Embracing your purpose as yours allows you to hold on to it until it is fulfilled, as opposed to dropping it in favour of something that looks better. Fall in love with your raison d’être the way you do your newborn baby. It is the seed that your life was built around and you have been equipped with everything you need to bring it to fruition. This last sentence has kept me on the ‘straight and narrow’ as my physical senses are currently unable to pick up any semblance of the necessary materials needed. I have had to bring myself into believing that the materials and tools are there, I just can’t see them. This is why it is important to live from the core of who you are, that is your spirit connected to God. Your senses do not always perceive what’s present and your feelings do not always pick it up either. This weekend we had an interesting conversation with our boys on politics. One of them expressed his concern at the direction the world is going with regards to morals and ideologies. This same child told me years ago that he believed God would not have placed man on a planet that wasn’t conducive for him to live on. In other words, no matter how crazy the world gets, we will always be able to fulfill our purpose in it. Unpleasant doesn’t mean impossible; His grace is sufficient for us. On another note, I recently started Facebook Live Videos sharing some of the lessons I am learning. Join me
Breaking down walls
“Last night I started learning about courage. I now know that success isn’t given to the most intelligent, the most privileged, the most beautiful or most knowledgeable one; Success is given to those who are courageous enough to follow their authentic voice. Being brave enough to follow your dreams means you do so regardless of how you feel or how it makes you look. To follow your authentic voice means you believe so much in your dreams that you ignore the warnings and opinions of others as you dive into it. When I look back at actions I have failed to take, I see a lack of courage standing right next to each one. it appears there’s a wall erected in front of me. It moves when I move. It stops when I stop.” ~ My journal entry, 1st June 2018 Last week I broke through a barrier. I streamed live on Facebook. You see, I woke up with a picture of a solid wall in front of me. On the other side of the wall was everything I wanted for myself. The wall was made up of bricks, each one made from a different material. The bricks represent everything that stops us from moving forward- fear, self-consciousness, insecurities and the likes. This wall hindered me creatively too. I somehow became convinced as I stared at it that if I knocked down just one brick, the entire wall would come crashing down. The brick I chose to attack was the one of self-consciousness so I dealt it a blow by going live. The following day I awoke a different person. Faces of those who would have criticised me were gone. Faded. The lessons I shared were: Introspection: This is the practice of self-reflection. If you don’t know your flaws or hinderances how can you fix them? Authenticity: As you dive into the rabbit hole to dig out your true self, you must be brave enough to live your life as the person you found inside. Life is a Cycle of Hope & Disappointment: If you can just get past the point of where it makes sense to quit, you’ll be fine. Your hope will not end in disappointment. Each time you go through it you emerge stronger to hope again. In order to fulfill the purpose you were created for, you have to become the person worthy of such a responsibility and that, my dear, is what all this craziness is all about. How about you, what walls have you broken down lately? What brick would you like to attack first?
In celebration of the inspirational word, ‘Maybe’
In my previous post, I shared my quarrel with the word, ‘but’. This week I’m extolling the virtues of another word, ‘maybe’. I was listening to an interview with Lara Casey and it was something she said as she described her business journey into her inspirational stationary business. She had shared a thought on her Instagram which was really an instruction to herself, yet many people found it so inspiring that they kept liking and sharing it. This experience led her to think; “If we get a pretty word art printed, then maybe people will buy it.” I love that the word, maybe, does not insist on confidence to be used but admits its own uncertainty as we make a decision to go forward regardless. There is a challenge I run into often. I want to see the whole staircase before taking the first step. Life doesn’t always work thst way. Business and big decisions involve risk and risk involves the word, maybe. “Maybe it will work out so let’s give it a shot“ The default state of being reflects a need to cover all bases and if there is even a hint of uncertainty, we won’t do it. This mindset does not eliminate the fear of moving forward rather it eliminates great possibilities of what might have been. Many love stories have been written because of the word Maybe. “Maybe if I pour out my heart to her, she will accept my proposal“- Guy in love all, over the world. “Maybe if I go back to my father and ask to be a servant, he will accept me“- The Prodigal Son “Maybe if I create cards and make them pretty, people will buy them“- Lara Casey. This week I encourage you to look for areas where you can use the word, Maybe and see if it makes a difference to your day!
Wild Dreams
Do you ever get mad at certain words or sentences? I do. Weird, admittedly but I do. This month I’m at odds with the word, ‘but.‘ It all started when I was discussing possible solutions with someone and they kept saying ‘but…‘. Each suggestion I made was followed with a ‘but‘ and then the reason why the suggestions wouldn’t work. Sometimes, we act like we have borders around our dreams even though we don’t. People try to place your dreams in a box- “yes you can dream,” they say, “but only this much.” Or “I see what you’re trying to do here- but others have tried and failed.” It becomes tragic when we agree with their assertion and start to dream within the parameters they have set. These were my thoughts when ‘Wild Dreams’ came to me. I hope you are blessed by it and you will allow your dream to grow wild and big until it breaks that box open. In what ways have your dreams been stopped from blossoming?
Female Entrepreneur in Search of Balance
When I had my first son, along with the exhilaration of giving birth to my angel came the need to adopt new habits. For example, the day I made plans go to out with friends. It was only after I got off the phone I realised I’d seen myself going out with my friends but I’d left the baby out of the picture. I could no longer accept invitations on a whim, baby-sitting now had to be factored in. As a business owner with a busy household, I too, have been in search of the elusive work-life balance. I divided my life into five segments to ensure no area of my life was left out of the picture- Family, Home, Business, Writing, Toks- because the nurturer needs nurturing. A few weeks ago a situation with my son caused me to question my ability as a mum to raise this child into the purpose-driven man he was created to be. On that day, nothing else got my attention. My home didn’t get any care, my husband and other children were ignored, I didn’t tackle any work and although my soul was hurting, I did nothing to nurture it. Then I learned an invaluable lesson about Containing my Fires which I shared in a previous post. In a nutshell, going forward, I was to ensure that a fire in one area did not spread to the other areas. Segmenting my life the way I did that has had more than a positive effect on me. There are days I pour 12 unbroken hours into the business and by the time I get home I just want to hit the sack. But then two or more of my sons end up on my bed telling me about their day and asking about mine. I share with them the lessons I learned and pat them on the back for what they did that day. In the past I have felt that mummy-guilt that insisted I wasn’t spending enough time with the kids or I was giving only the leftovers of my day to them. But then I gained a new understanding. Each time I cook, put away laundry or tidy up the sitting room, I have blessed my home. Whenever I hug or chat with the boys, listen to the same story for the tenth time or watch a not so funny YouTube video that they find hilarious, I am winning at mumming. Sitting with hubby to watch a TV show I can’t be bothered about, while we catch up on each other’s day is me being a supportive wife. Every time I say an encouraging word to an expectant parent who visits the shop, or I share a life lesson on social media, I have practiced being inspirational. When I take 20 minutes by myself for a Teriyaki Salmon Salad at Pret A Manger, I’m nurturing Toks. Although I have big goals for all areas of my life, I am learning to celebrate the itsy-bitsy dailies. As a result, I feel more rounded as a woman and less guilty as mum. I no longer log around a to-do list that constantly yells out how far behind I have fallen. I don’t know that there’s such a thing called work-life balance, or that as women we will ever declare just how balanced our lives are, but taking time to acknowledge the little you do in each area of work and life will sure leave you feeling pretty balanced. You may have big goals for your life, but don’t forget to acknowledge and celebrate the dailies. What does work-life balance look like for you?
