Question: Is this conjecture or fact?
Is this conjecture or fact? Over the last few years I’ve collated a small pot of questions to guide me through rough terrains. The question, “Is this conjecture or fact?” was crafted because of my overactive imagination. It literally takes a nano second for me to dream up a picture so grim that it stops me in my tracks. These days, when the picture begins to amass layers and textures, when I start to plan a response to this new crisis, when I’m about to kneel before this situation and call it god, I ask; “Toks, are you responding to conjecture or fact?” How do you navigate those rough spots? Next time you start to stress over new information, draw two columns and label them ‘conjecture’ and ‘fact’. Fill them out. You may find that your mind has ‘helped’ you complete a false picture which you’re now panicking about.
Containing Your Fires
Recently, one of my boys was so naughty that it affected my entire day. Let’s rephrase that. Son misbehaved and I didn’t work all day. I was at work but got nothing done as I oscillated between anger and regret, questions on where I went wrong and how to move forward from the place we found ourselves. I am a writer. I write inspirational material birthed out of lessons learned in my own life. And because the lessons keep coming, I literally breathe writing. Well, that day got no writing from me. I have three other sons and a husband. They got minimal attention. Every day I strive to do something that blesses my soul, something just for me to honour Toks. I didn’t do any of that. As I journaled the following day, I was gifted with a revelation. When there’s a fire, the first thing we do If it cannot be put out is to contain it. Containing a fire stops it from spreading beyond its position, therefore, preventing damage to the surrounding area. Through writing, I learned that I must start to contain my fires. I have sectioned my life into five areas which represent my purpose. I did that to ensure that each area gets the attention and fulfillment it requires. A fire in the area of mothering must be contained within that area. There is no reason why it has to spread to the business, to looking after my family or nurturing myself. Since it is easier said than done, this is one scenario where intention comes in. A fire in the kitchen will spread to the hallway unless you intentionally contain it by shutting the door. Think of the way rocks are used to contain campfires so they don’t spread to the rest of the forest. How can we contain fires? Keep the main thing the main thing. Just because there is a problem in one area does not mean your entire life has to be overrun with the issue. This is possible if like the kitchen and hallway, there are walls and doors that separate the different areas of your life. We have to learn to keep functioning when one thing goes wrong, as opposed to catastrophizing that it is all over. I must also point out that there are times you do need to pause areas of your life so you have sufficient energy and time to devote to an important situation such as nurturing your child or the loss of a loved one. The trouble with not containing fires is that our resources are diverted from the needful and when we come back to it, we’d have to make up for lost time or we may lose out on opportunities altogether. Usually, things resolve themselves. God wouldn’t have put us on this earth with all its pain and pressure if we couldn’t handle it.
When Words Float
As a child, I used to think that eventually, we’d run into the words we once spoke. I thought that although words were invisible, they were tangible and they’d float around until we bumped into them. Guys, I had an active imagination! This week I’ve been thinking about thoughts and feelings. Specifically how our thoughts affect our emotions. I have reached a number of conclusions, permit me to share a couple. 1) Thoughts are voiceless words. They have the same effect as words. Consequently, thoughts have a source which can be internal or external. -Internal thoughts have two sources- borne out of your purpose which is a seed God planted in you before you were born (remind me to tell you all about why we can trust our own ideas) and formed from words or experiences which you have internalized. For example, the first time you went skiing, you fell and broke your leg. The next time you are invited to go skiing again and your first thought is I may fall and break my leg. -External simply means thoughts that did not originate from inside you. Social media, news, friends etc. These ‘float around’ and come back to your recollection at an opportune time. That’s also how the enemy works. 2)Thoughts come before feelings, just like words do. If someone pays you a compliment you feel good about yourself. If you think positive you feel good too. Same if you have negative thoughts. 3) Feelings have the power to propel you to action. If you feel confident enough, you finally take that step you’ve been dreading. 4) Feelings are like the gas state of matter. They take up the space of the jar they are in and once the lid is open, they float away. Feelings are unreliable. In the space of 2 minutes, you can experience a myriad of emotions about the same subject. Feelings don’t rely on fact, they rely on belief. If you believe you are incapable, you will feel incapable and since feelings propel you to act, you won’t bother trying. 5) Feelings should not propel us to act. Yes, they do but it’s not wise to wait to feel good before acting. You won’t get a lot done. I have a whole epistle on why that’s the case but not today 😀 In a nutshell, if you want to get things done, watch your source. Dig deep to unearth the truth of who you were created to be and draw from that source. Don’t wait to feel like doing before you start- your spirit wants to do the right thing but your body- which is required for action- prefers to stay under the duvet. Because the flesh is too weak to go with what the spirit wills. So while we will never bump into our spoken words- I grew up- those words really do float around and cause us to make decisions, some good, some bad. What are your thoughts on thoughts and feelings?
Wisdom: not easily obtained
There is always a temptation to talk a lot and empty one’s mind of the many thoughts that run through it; but fewer words selected from a carefully carved out mind carry deep wisdom. It is easy to gather stones from the surface; but skill and hard work is required to mine gold many meters below ground level. Even when we look at the availability and the price of food, that which is easy to come by is relatively cheap, like rice and bread. Specialty food like caviar is expensive and not found everywhere. Deep wisdom is not easily obtained, it is borne out of experiences and a mind that learns from them. Many of these experiences are painful, so not everyone is willing to obtain wisdom. Wisdom is not always attractive either. To learn from others you have to sit still and close your mouth, often listening to people you may not rate highly on the social ladder. To learn from your experiences you have to sacrifice temporal pleasures for a future gain. You have to desire and believe in the need to obtain wisdom. “Many words rush along like rivers in flood, but deep wisdom flows up from artesian springs.” Proverbs 18:4 MSG http://bible.com/97/pro.18.4.msg
Dreams Grow on Fertile Ground
In the past, cynicism made its way into my life through repeated bad experiences. These days it occurs through the frequent hearing of negativity since we live in the age of excessive information. Guard your heart and mind, this is where the flavour of your life is prepared. Taking in salacious news or social media comments laces your life with the poison of cynicism. A cynical mind keeps absorbing more to justify its angst and the media houses know that to be a fact that’s why they keep your attention with bad news after bad news. The result is your feeling disillusioned, no need trying since it will fail. Are you a person of faith? If so, this mindset won’t help as dreams do not survive in this sort of environment. What to do instead is nurture your soul. Your soul is that part of you where dreams get believed in, imagination stretches beyond the logical, and thoughts, desires and emotions occur. The start of each year is filled with brand new promises and goals but this feeling of newness won’t last forever; it’s up to us to create a fertile space in which to nurture our dreams. Fill your physical space with beauty and things that inspire you. Get rid of physical and mental clutter. Learn to say ‘no’ without feeling guilty. Don’t pile too much on your plate. Take up a new hobby that sparks your creativity. These are just some ways in which you can create an inspiring space for your ideas to flourish. What have you done in the past that’s worked for you? Do share in the comments box 😊 To receive posts by email, subscribe to my newsletter.
The Joy of Creativity
A few weeks ago I rediscovered the importance of living in your space. I see our purpose as a mould that existed before we were created, and then you were made to fit just right. At The Baby Cot Shop, we make bespoke items. This means that a chest of drawers listed on our website, for example, can be made to be larger or smaller than described so that it fits a pre-assigned space. When you step into a room furnished with bespoke items, you can tell. Things fit perfectly as though the room was built around the furniture. Occasionally, customers measure the space and to their delight standard pieces fit perfectly. Other times, they make do. The furniture doesn’t fit perfectly but they learn to live with it. Isn’t it wonderful when things just fall into place? We find ourselves walking in our purpose, we end up in jobs we just love. We fall in love with our soulmate after just one date. At other times we go through experiences which shape and mould us until we are perfect for the space we are in. It is also possible to go through experiences meant to shape you yet you come out unchanged. When this happens, you end up making do and calling it the ups and downs of life. I am a writer, that is one of the gifts that is tied to my purpose, but I stopped writing for a while because I felt I needed to attend to more stressful pressing matters. The day I picked up my pen (or iPad as it were), it felt like fresh air was being forced into my lungs to expand them so I could breathe deeply. The same thing happened when after banishing myself into a cave for a few weeks, I crawled out to encourage and uplift a friend who needed it. Championing others comes naturally to me but when I’m going through a rough patch, I tend to feel I have nothing to give, which isn’t true. After my conversation with her, I felt more complete and I understand now that my challenges are not an excuse to stop being me. Living in a mould that wasn’t made for you denies your soul the opportunity to play and live its best life. You know what happens when you force-fit a jigsaw puzzle in the wrong place, it doesn’t look or feel right. Yet many of us live like that and call it the trials of life. Creativity is a gift we all have to help us navigate those trials so we can enjoy life. There are things that call for our attention, but we function best when we live in the space we were created to live in. What did you love to do as a child? Colouring? Crafts? Music? Get back into your space and watch what happens! I wish you a happy 2018, so excited to see what this year brings you! I will be hosting a brunch event on the 10th of March, click here to learn more.
